i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
