You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
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