i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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