i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
