I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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