Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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