I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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