since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
i think my cat just said my name.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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