ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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