Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
