I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
