i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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