a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
