what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
