from now on my penis is your penis
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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