he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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