So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
