a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
