She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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