Cold hands, warm shart.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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