he wants to bone in the snuggie
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
