I feel like abortions should bother me more
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
