You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
