Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
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I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
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What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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