He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
