he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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