One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
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Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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