when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize