you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
