I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
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Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
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The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize