May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
