I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
