I wannas sexs uuuuu
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
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After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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