Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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