nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
