i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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