You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
