Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize