How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
