so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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