none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
