I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
