Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
it was like his penis was on wheels.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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