My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
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