my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
