Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
