I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
