508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
