The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
