Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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