Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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