you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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