Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
