My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
