He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
