No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
