morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
