I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
