pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
