Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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