none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
