im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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