I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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