3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Everything about him screamed your future.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
