I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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