I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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