There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize