I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
