return my video game
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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