...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Shame - the story of my life.
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