Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
