you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize