i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
