My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
