hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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