Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Randomize
